Update

Haven’t been on here in a long, long time. Everything has changed, not even sure I know the girl I was 2-3 years ago. My parents are separated now, well it’s more complex than that. My mom and siblings have a restraining order on my dad, I’m the only one who can see him. It’s a 3 year restraining order, so they probably won’t be at my college grad when I finally do finish. I broke up with the ex I used to write about. We broke up a couple of times actually, in December I finally broke up with her seriously, but god I had no idea what was coming. She was genuinely crazy, she came to LA in early February and stayed unwelcome for 4 months. I tried everything to get her to leave. I probably spent 800+ in wasted plane tickets to send her back home, she always pulled something at the airport and ended up coming back home with me. She was violent, verbally and physically, and still then, I never laid a hand on her and bit my tongue while she said all the demeaning things she said. She even showed up at my job and it got really scary for a while. She damaged my car, hid my things, it was draining. Within the 2-3 years, I had managed to move out, twice. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to live alone and ended up back home. Now, I sleep on the couch with my things in a corner. I don’t have much. Started slipping in school. Lost FAFSA. Trying to get back to normal. I reconnected with an old friend/flame. Typing this while she sleeps next to me. We’re casual right now, still recovering from the brutal beating life gave me. She’s great though, truly. One of the best people I know. We went to high school together. She was my first teen love, we only lasted about the duration of our freshman winter break, but I stayed pretty much in love for about 3 years after. I had broken up with her because of my family, actually. Can’t focus on anyone when you’re trying to mend a broken home at 14. I think we’ve hung out every day for the past 2 months, she’s even met my family and spends time with them. I currently work at a school, so not being able to find a job during Summer has been hell. Especially when I have so many bills to pay at home with my dad not around. She’s always spotting me and I feel incredibly guilty and embarrassed, but she’s reassuring. All the money I wasted when my crazy ex was here would have been incredibly useful right now. It was $800+ on plane tickets alone, not counting the food everyday and literally everything else since she was too lazy to ever look for a job in the 2 years we were together. I just realized there are more things that have happened during this time than I can type.