ok now I get the cigarrette thing

I had like the most stress-charged week of my entire life. My grandma has been diagnosed with cancer, I feel like a failure, my love life is wack, and my friends are happy with their lives after a long while and I don´t feel like ruining that with my problems. So after a little bit of meditating, I decided to give cigarrettes a second chance. 

They are still disgusting, they still make my head hurt, and my clothes stink but they also give me a certain sence of relief when I consume them.

I´m not planning on making it a habit of mine. I just think about it as an SOS way to deal with traumatic/stressing situations without thinking about killing myself lol