Day 141 of not being brilliant or lazy

My ass did not complete all their tasks... I was kind of ashamed of writing because of that but whatever, we ball, let's reroll! For tomorrow! 

Curb my phone time!! 

Work!! (Science, design, business)

Read!! (Actually finish East of Eden)

Watch K-On!! 

Okay, but what happened in the time when I was gone? I honestly don't really remember much of it tbh. Let's see... oh! I got a Twitter account. If you wanna follow me, please message me privately and I'll decide because social media Paranoia but also idk, I post odd stuff on there. Not like nsfw but like embarrassing stuff. I kinda like posting there because it's small and contained and I only see what my moots post and they  only see what I post. It's nice for now. I'm not famous or anything so I also don't need to worry about anything stressful happening. 

I did indeed get some writing done, I finished my review and still need to edit it and I wrote a review for an album which is just posted somewhere on Rate Your Music, nothing special but whatever, it's for keeping myself limber. I haven't written a poem in so long or fiction for that matter. I need to get on both of those. It's been far too long. Other than that, I've just been lazing about. 

I don't have too much else to say. I know I'll think of something as soon as I post this. I've honestly just been super busy too with like art and normal work and then school stopped and i became super lazy and I didn't do anything at all. It was raining too so that brought down my overall morale. I also need to shave before I forget. I really do need to write these, I'm getting too lazy. Like this blog keeps me in check! I really do need to start writing these more and curb my phone addiction too.

I do need to give you all a recommendation!! No more slacking!! Bump this music. Okay for today's musical education, I recommend to you, Paces by Feeble Little Horse. It's a sweet little song and I really wish I was joking when I say this song warded off a mental breakdown. I feel so stupid sometimes for not being able to do work and it's manageable but sometimes I have a realization like everyone else is better than me, I'll fall behind or something like that, literally half-light in my brain and when I have those thoughts, it's usually when I should be sleeping and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest, I feel air go through my nostrils and I see my chest and inflate and deflate but I don't feel the air go to lungs and it's so horrible, I feel like I'm suffocating anyway, I played Paces and the song was so pleasant that all those feelings disappeared completely! That song has healing powers frfr. Tomorrow I'm not sure what I'm gonna recommend, I have two options and they're music that spaceheyers tend to be more familiar with so you're safe for now, reader...

It is now Ramble time!!!! Let's talk about laziness. Okay, I'll let you guys in on a secret, everything will appear so obvious once I reveal this but I don't watch a lot of YouTube these days, I watch one or two videos per day and usually I decide on a topic for the Ramble section because of those videos. Today, I just watched a video about laziness and usually I have a two cents to offer. Here's mine! I find myself really torn, does laziness exist? Laziness is usually just what bosses and capitalists use to make you feel bad for not working all the time and it's a foul strategy. I used to tell myself that laziness didn't exist but I think in some regards, it still does. Like I'm lazy! I should do more school work but I don't because im lazy and that's not harming a boss or a company or anyone except for me! I think maybe I'm just burnt out though which is fine, it happens and I shouldn't call myself lazy for that but it's weird, I'm in a limbo kind of. I'm so tired and burnt out yet I'm still going somehow, I didn't think it was possible it's like I'm working on autopilot. I don't recommend by the way! Not at all! I'll probably crash. Actually maybe I'm not burnt out, just demotivated. I don't need motivation to work, I guess. Sometimes I do to give me an extra push but I guess it's it's always necessary. Anyway, what can you take from this? You need to draw the line somewhere, make sure that you're not sabotaging yourself through inaction but also that you're not over exerting yourself. That's the thing, you need to treat yourself like a human still, we all have limits and it's important to know yours. 

Anyway, that's all for tonight, thanks for reading, let's hope I return tomorrow, it's an art day though so it'll he rough. Yikes... goodbye, reader!!