Summer kinda sucks

Hey, its been a while

Ive been really depressed. Yeah, ill admit it. I thought i cured myself. Until i get to have complete freedom over what i do all day. Im not capable of being productive. I wanted to use this time to get better, but..june flew by. I didnt do SHIT. Its okay, i guess. I can still change. I just dont believe in myslef. This month marks me being 2 years clean from cutting myself. Yay, i guess. I like my scars. When the light hits my arm i can see all the ones that have faded. Theres a big one, an actual scar, that has volume kinda. That one went deep. Theyre not bad, just kinda pathetic. Like scratches. But theyre part of me. Ive been trying to accept myself. It hasnt been working. Ive been completely isolating myself because im ashamed of how i look. I feel guilty. Like i see my mom and sister and relatives and i feel like theyre thinking: “ah, thats too bad. Shes still ugly. Why hasnt she put in effort yet? I feel bad for her.” Im watching MHA again. Yes, i know, shut up. I like the show, god damn it. Its the only shonen anime i like because the story is cool and engaging. Not like ninja shit or just fighting, but cool powers and costumes and designs. Also i adore the art style, horikoshi is a big inspiration to me. My hair is looong now. My bangs are at my chin. Ill get a haircut soon. And i wanna dye it too. Back to dirty blonde, like when i was a kid. It got dark because of depression and how i stopped going outside back in 2022. Ive been depressed really since 2020, but at least my mom still made me do stuff. I finished another sketchbook last night. Im all out, so i need to go to the art store to get more. Ooh, i should work there. I love that place. Theres a cool art store downtown and its sorta hidden, its behind these other shops and underneath, and its always nice and cool in there. Also smells like markers and paint and wood which i like. I also made a deviantart acc and a flickr acc. I have yet to post on there. (Peachrabbit39 for deviantart and macarongirl39 for flickr) Well, thats all.

Ok bye