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I’m part of a system, and one of the things I (and the other alters) struggle with is dissociative amnesia, where we’ll have gaps in our memory from when another alter is fronting. It’s a really disorienting experience, and sometimes it’s a lot worse than other times.
Today, another alter was fronting for several hours at a time, so when I’d come back into front, I’d have gaps in my memory wondering how I got where I was and what we had done while I wasn’t fronting. It was really scary at first, but over time it’s become less of a thing to be afraid of.
Sometimes though, I’ll still be aware while another alter is fronting, as if I’m watching my life play out from inside my head while another alter controls the body. That’s still pretty scary, because I’m not in control of my body but I’m fully aware of it. It’s so strange.
Co-fronting is really weird too. Like I’ll have a voice or another prescience in my head, that being another alter, simultaneously controlling the body at the same time as me. It can be really hard to manage, but some alters and I have really good harmony and can actually co-front relatively well. Others, not so much. It’s so overwhelming sometimes.
But yeah, just some wacky system things I thought could be interesting to share. :)
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Daisy
sure iisssss!!!! i'm kinda frontstuck atp so i don't get much of this but it can be so dizzying
Aghhh yeah I understand, being frontstuck SUCKS (for us anyway; most of the alters aren’t used to fronting for more than a day at a time)
by Angel.On.Empty; ; Report
for us memories are softer, we have sort of a fade in/fade out when switches happen so it's less of "suddently i'm here" and more of "oh ok i'm here okayyyyy"
but like, we used to switch quite a bit when we discovered then Shit Happened and now i'm stuck here forever ;-; heeeelppp /lh
by Daisy; ; Report
Ohhh I understand!!! For us we usually get dizzy before we switch so the alter in front knows they’re switching, but it’s usually still pretty sudden.
I completely understand the “shit happened and now we’re stuck” it’s so awful when you wanna get out of front but can’t
by Angel.On.Empty; ; Report
it's weird bc i think smth in my role/self changed so now i feel ultra guilty and don't let ppl front if i can help it too T-T like i did use to do it but it's way stronger now........... it makes sense from my perspective but it's a bit much brain.................
by Daisy; ; Report
Yeahh I understand, I’m kinda the same way in that I try to stay in front and a lot of the time I end up trying to push alters out of front, I’ve tried to stop doing that though bc that’s a behavior I kinda picked up once I realized what was going on because I wanted to be “normal” and stop us from being a system :/ I’ve since gotten over that, but the habit it still there
by Angel.On.Empty; ; Report