My Mother

So I was hanging out with my mom today and she once again brought up the life sized cardboard cutout of my wife I keep with me for protection from the thing that stares. She told me that if I keep that thing any longer then she was going to call a hazmat team to take it from me because it was apparently causing people to set up barriers around our house. I love my mom and her opinons mean a lot to me, but I do not think this one is a real winner. Just because you can smell it from across the town and it actively reduces the air quality in whatever room it's in, setting of geiger counters and whatnot, does not mean she can speak of removing my prized possesion. I think that the internet will totes agree with my situation and my totally real wife being stolen from me

-Lusamine's worried concubine