5/10 first date

Date: 11 july 2024 

We talked and walked, then we bought food and brought it to my place to eat, he took a photo of us, and after A LOT of talking we hugged and he left. It was really awkward and I felt uncomfortable most of the time, but I also noticed how nervous he was and how much he was messing up his words. It makes me feel better knowing I wasn't the only one being that nervous. 

I think some weird/bad things are:

He wanted a photo of us to send to his parents even though he said we're not official.

He said I was his "girlfriend" right after calling me a guy.

Called me a tomboy and said that I was "like a real guy."

Talked abt his ex more than once (later apologised for it however).

Explained the most ground level knowledge abt things and thought I didn't know it.

Said I have a month "trial run" of us hanging out and getting to know eachother before he wants us to either be in a relationship, or to just be friends. I understand he doesn't want to be dragged along forever whilst I try to figure my shit out, but I don't like deadlines, they stress me out and makes it harder for me to make a decision.

Some good things are: 

Said he didn't want to push or force me into a relationship.

Said he would never pressure me to be physical.

Paid for my food (it's kind though I did try to insist on paying, and it sort of feels like he thinks I'm a girl if he wants to pay for my food).

Told me I was kind and "a really good person".

When I said I have never been in a relationship before he said "ppl have been missing out on a gem".

He liked talking to my brother.

So my conclusion is; idk wtf I'm supposed to do. I like him, for sure I do, but do I like him as a friend? or more? When I was sitting behind him whilst playing a video game I wanted to hug him from behind but I didn't. Is that a sign that I like him? 

Also I don't want to make his life complicated with me being a trans guy and all. I can't expect him to say to his parents that I'm a trans guy and he doesn't care abt my gender. That would basically be coming out. But I don't want to be known as his "girlfriend" to his parents, or anyone. He said he doesn't care what his parents think but I think he does, and I know that I sure as hell do, especially if I'm gonna meet them. I assume I will eventually have to meet them.

I feel neutral abt the date since I have nothing to compare it to bcs of my lack of experience. Would maybe do another date in like a year cs that shit was nerv-wracking as hell. 

- Elliot