fear of time sparking up, agian...

ew, this is nasty. but im trying to stop avoiding the "scary" things now because if i dont then ill never get better. whenever it sparks up i used to just try and avoid playing games and watching older videos (even 3 year old vids can be scary depending on how bad it is that day) 

ive been doing that for a few months so i feel safe, but i think its time to stop. its getting in the way of me enjoying things because now half the time i end up avoiding anything even if it isnt actually sparking up because i dont feel fully happy and i think that trying to play a game or watch a vid might spark it somehow. its.. dumb and doesn't make much sense. which is why ive been avoiding things but, for the rest of the year im going to stop avoiding doing things just becuase im unhappy. im going to do some self exposure therapy!