Venting

Kind of worried that my girlfriend and I aren’t healthy for each other. We’ve spent over three years now being basically each other’s only friends because of the lack of queer people around us. We go through shit with her quitting jobs again and again because she’s disabled but doesn’t have any record of her disabilities (that I know of) so she can’t get help. My parents are constantly on us to get jobs while half of the job listings online are fake and most don’t get back to you. I’m trying to get a job through vocational rehabilitation but it’ll take a while. I love and rely on my girlfriend so much but it’s a relationship without choices because neither of us have the income to get away from each other if we broke up. She says she’d rather be homeless than go back to her abusive parents in Indiana which I get but that leaves me feeling like I have to take care of her no matter if we’re together or not. I’ve also spent the last three years constantly debating in my head if I’m actually polyamorous or not. I want a wife someday and I don’t ever see that happening with Wren. I also find myself ashamed of her sometimes which I feel awful about. It’s not like I’m a fucking catch myself. If we broke up and she moved out I’d be alone for the first time in three years. Wren and I have become codependent and do most things together. Sometimes this helps me but usually it’s bringing me down I think because I’m so anxious doing things alone sometimes. I’d still live with my parents of course but I’d be so alone. I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t have anyone else my age in my life that’s local. I don’t have anybody else and I think that loneliness is partially why we’ve been together for so long now. This is the longest relationship that I’ve ever had which is a big deal to me. I know that if we didn’t live together then it wouldn’t have lasted so long. That’s honestly the truth.