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For a bunch of years I believed that there was smt wrong w me bcs I didn't feel anything for anyone, like, ofc I love my family (do I?) and my friends, but was never a BIG feeling, idk how to explain tbh, but I always knew that I wasn't like the other people.
Years passed and I find myself as Asexual (aroace actually), I was... Happy?, I put in my head that I wasn't normal and that I had some kinda of problem just bcs I didn't feel any kinda of romantic feeling for anyone; yes yes I have a boyfriend (yet), but before we get together I always try to hide my feelings (even from myself) bcs I didn't want him to "suffer" w a aroace girlfriend, I'll admit was pretty hard to myself to assume what I was for him, but he accepted (I think). But today, I notice that mb in some moment of our lifes, he will probably get "tired" of be w someone like me, someone that can't show the real feelings bcs they aren't big and strong, I feel smt for him and we both know that what I feel is not big like other people or even like his. Looks like I'm saying that be aroace is not a good thing, well, mb for me it's not, having a boyfriend and be like this is very hard tbh, he wants me to be more... Hmm, how can I say? Passionate ig, but I can't, bcs everything that I do is all I can do, I can't be more passionate than this (even though it looks like just see him as a friend, I know that inside me I feel smt, it's small, but I feel), so sometimes I wish I could be more, I wish I could just have normal feelings just to see him happy (he says he's happy, I know that somewhere inside him he's not actually happy). Be Aroace was never easy to me, but ig I'll have to deal w it for the rest of my life -PRV★
(note: I kinda never told this to anyone, mb for one very close friend, but this won't get out of my head for the last days, I know it seems smt very boring or mb drama idk, but it's more complex than it looks like, soooo ya, it was some kinda of a venting moment here)
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𝐀𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐝 🎸⋆⭒˚｡⋆
I think I have no place to speak in this conversation because I feel attraction, romantic at least, towards people. But honestly, I don't think that little feeling makes you someone horrible and completely out of society. There are more people like you in the world, people who, unlike me, can understand you better.
But in my humble opinion, I think you should just accept it or just not use labels, you know? I think labels make us feel trapped in patterns that we unconsciously try to follow and that makes us not who we really are.
I think that your problem with your boyfriend, with time and dedicated work, can help you develop or let the feeling grow even more. For example, conditions these days for both of you are not easy either, but I don't know if that could really be a problem for you.
Honestly, I feel the same as you, but a little different. I don't really feel strong feelings for anyone, sometimes I can't even have empathy for someone and I feel like a monster because of that. I have a single exception who is a person I met and just love, like, LOVE. It's as if all the feelings I don't have for anyone are simply dedicated to this one person. That's our difference.
But none of that makes me horrible or abnormal, any more than you are abnormal. We are just "different", in our own unique way.
Sorry if I said something stupid, my brain is dumb kkkkkkk. But correct me if I got something wrong, please.
Ty for support, usually I don't have support from people ab this bcs they don't understand or I just don't tell, so I feel happy that u made this comment, ty friend <3
by Phemel★Redvelvet; ; Report
I tried my best, even if I think it wasn't the best support, but thank you! I know it's a difficult conversation, but you can always try to delve deeper into it with someone. I hope everything is okay <3
by 𝐀𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐝 🎸⋆⭒˚｡⋆; ; Report