Motherhood

Being a mother, what a role is that. I honestly don't mind being the guide of a smaller more fragile life, my issue is that at one point they will be out of your control. At some point, they can do something horrible and become something awful no matter how hard you try. I'm scared that if that happens maybe I'll still love them. Maybe I shouldn't be a mother then, but then there's this maternal ache of not being able to care and protect a reflection of myself. Then I guess it would be selfish for me to be a mother. 

I wonder if I would think different if it came down to being a father, but being cruel goes beyond the sexes. I think the world would be a better place if everyone had parents but that's too ideal to even dwell on. Is it bad to dwell on what the world could have been? 

Motherhood is awful and amazing. I don't want to stop being a person though, when you become a mother that seems to become all you are. I couldn't stand being trapped in a frozen gaze I myself created. Though I guess that's what characterizes a mothers love, should it though? 

It's sad sometimes, when I think that everyone used to be someone's baby, first love, first friend. Now those babies probably miss their parents but have no one to cry too, because they have their own babies. There has to be less cruel ways of living.