7/5/2024

Today was, yet again, uneventful. It was way easier than yesterday, when I was just crying basically non-stop and I still don't know why. Today though, I just couldn't focus at all. I'd start one thing, get frustrated, try another, get frustrated. I've been so irritable lately and I wish I could get high again to help me mellow out, but I'm worried it will trigger my paranoia and anxiety, so I guess I have to tough it out the old way. I just want to focus and paint, or draw, or do something that isn't just video games. But even video games annoy me, and so does music. Nothing feels satisfying. My head hurts too. I keep clenching my jaw so tight, even in my sleep. I don't know why I'm so stressed and don't know why I can't calm down.