Life, him, idk

Disclaimer: mentions of severe mental illness/instability 

I'm loosing it, like actually loosing it. I feel like I'm slipping away from reality. I have a psych appointment next week to figure out why I'm experiencing so much paranoia, hallucinations, mania, depression, ect. I just feel like it's not even worth it to try to figure it out anymore. I've always had a lot of anxiety and depressive episodes but when I turned 13 I started experiencing other things. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but my counselor thinks it's more than that, so do I honestly. It feels like nobody is helping. This feeling is suffocating. The only person (besides my therapist and consular) that I talk to about this is my boyfriend that I've been dating for almost 3 years. He got his phone taken away yesterday so we can't talk. I feel isolated and idk what to do anymore. I don't normally post stuff this serious online but I just need to talk about it somewhere. I can't fully open up with anyone because I don't want to make anyone feel like they are responsible for my safety or happiness. My phone has been completely silent because my boyfriend can't talk to me, I've been alone a lot of my life but it's been 3 years since my phone has went a whole day without getting a notification. Idk, I just feel isolated and trapped. I've considered going to a hospital but it's too expensive and i can't stop going to work and my senior year starts in 2 months. There's no options anymore. I feel like nobody cares, everyone makes fun of me or pretends I'm not there. I feel invisible.