i think i love too much

its a weird thing to say because my entire life ive lived to love other people. i always strive to see the good in others despite their actions, whether its good for me or not. maybe its a weird defense mechanism id picked up sometime in my childhood but its something thats stuck with me for a long time

maybe i was determined to be a better person than i was told id be. but the truth is that im just the product of a terribly dysfunctional family. i dont really think i had a chance from the start and maybe i just didnt want people to feel the same way i did. maybe if just one person was able to see the good in them it would fix them. it would give me some sort of meaning

these last couple of months its been difficult to muster up anything besides resentment. its not aimed at anyone or thing in particular, more like all the love i held has gone sour. maybe my dog just took the love with her. maybe my dad stole it to get back at me. 

aside from all of this i still think of you. it all feels so convoluted and im not sure i could say anything to you if i saw you. i do know that i still care for you. i cant blame you for anything really. the timing was terrible and bad people were involved and it was all so unfair. im glad i got to know you, even if it was just for a little bit.