a different girl

been gone a bit. but im back! i feel so disconnected from the girl i was just a few months ago. im just always changing, flowing through dmental personas like a leaf in a river. i dont know who i am. ever. but. anyways. i got a job! i work at a little thrift shop, locally owned. its just me, four walls, and a crap ton of trinkets 5 days a week, 8 hours a day. but it’s peaceful and not stress inducing lol. i still feel that urge to pack up and leave but im not set on money yet. its kind of an under-the-table job, the boss forgets to pay me sometimes. but i would feel like im begging for money if i reminded her. got 300 saved up right now. plus i need to get my license before going anywhere. 19 with no license, what a loser right? im just so scared. i know in my soul im going to be in a horrible car crash one day. its just one of those things i can feel will happen to me. the worst things always do lol.