Let's talk!

I've been working up the courage to start journaling literally all day but I have a few things on my plate.

It's 4th of July 2024, and last Pride Weekend I went out and had so much fun but my phone got stolen and I feel like that fact is like- tainting my memory of the whole night.

I just feel such a level of embarrassment and shame and I feel like it's gonna fester inside me and eat me up alive if I don't work out this thought- but also the thought won't work out unless I give myself space to process it outside my head.

MOST of the night was wonderful. No one was really at fault aside from maybe my own naivete. It probably would have been better if we had friends around us who were more experienced with WeHo, (and there was supposed to be) but I also reckless. We didn't expect to get as fucked up as we did over one fucken $10 shot?? And I spent most of the night with the most wonderful little group of girls who all hugged me and told me to be safe when they left. And we danced for so long. It must have been at least an hour? Or two? And I think at this point we were so far gone (my housemates and I) that it didn't occur to us that maybe we should leave too. We should have left!!!!

There was a guy who was dancing with the big group of girls and I. He stayed with me and I was confused because I thought he was friends with those girls. But he was like no, he didn't know where his friends were. And then my friends told me we should try going upstairs so we did. And I remember the guy following us upstairs but I lost him along the way and I was like omg where'd he go, and my roommate pulled him over and we both kinda just stayed together.

Before my roommate went to look for him though, I was using my phone! I checked my messages and remembered reading that the rest of my housemates were not going to make it. And THEN my roommate brought over the guy and we danced.

And then he asked me if I wanted to go downstairs and, like an idiot, I was like sure!! So we both went downstairs and danced and my memory is really spotty here. I remember he helped me down the stairs and I remember we infiltrated another group of dancing friends. And I really am struggling to remember what happened here. I just remember like being fully out of it and then just a few times hearing the guy up against my ear saying "Girl shut the fuck up, I don't understand what you're saying!" I don't even remember that I was talking at this point! I do remember him saying this to me at least twice. I just remember I didn't like being told to "shut the fuck up" so I walked away and looked for my friends. I found them almost immediately, but I also realized at the same time I didn't have my phone. This was all a span of 20 minutes from the last time I used it.

I think the guy stole my phone and this is embarrassing to admit for so many reasons. One is because I genuinely enjoyed my time with this guy. Like he was so cool and I remember even looking for him and hugging him before I left. 

I just need to know what happened in that short amount of time. There's also weird little things he did that make it questionable because even after I lost my phone he still looked for me and greeted me so like?! Was he trying to get my wallet too?! it just made no sense. Idkidkidk

It's embarrassing cause I just felt such a genuine endearment towards him and I regarded him as a little friend but to think he was just essentially there to steal from me makes me feel so dumb.