legally a felon in the state of [REDACTED]

i broke the law today.

not actually. but it felt like it. i was the only soul in the office this morning and i spent most of the time hiding in the lounge, waiting for a cop to barge in and arrest me for trespassing. because of this, i was too nervous to turn on the lights, so i spent the entire day in the dark. like a mole woman but without the cool hair.

the entire building smells of mildew and i leave every shift with a cough. the maintenance staff pulled our air filters and made of point of showing them to me: entirely black and damp. great. whatever mega-disease is in the cancer alley mildew has definitely infiltrated my body. well worth ten dollars an hour. i’d spend the next fifteen minutes in the bathroom dry heaving. 

i should feel competent. twirling my keys on my finger, standing guard and deciding who may pass, who may not. playing translator for languages i can't understand. i feel like a child. the fact that the building is a carbon copy of my old summer camp's dining hall doesn’t help. i still remember laying on that building's linoleum, watching the fans twirl as we waited for a rescue or a body. they pulled her out alive. lungs full of liquid instead of air, but alive. so maybe there's hope for my mildew lungs.

they returned my desk today. i am at peace.