7/2/2024

I'm going to try and paint today. I've been super down for almost 2 weeks now since I lost this contest I submitted to, which in retrospect, wasn't that big of a deal. But it's taken me so long to get to this point again where I'm drawing and creating something consistently, and even longer to feel even remotely comfortable in my ability to produce something I'm proud of, so it was a bit of a blow to my ego to not win. I didn't even make it to the runner-ups. Everyone I've talked to said they thought I should've, at the very least, made it to the runner-ups. One of my closest friends said maybe it was because my painting wasn't as creative as the others, which I can see. But I mean, it was a DTIYS contest, I tried to keep my entry as close to the original in terms of composition, but I did take some creative liberties with the lighting and background. I don't understand the point of participating in a DTIYS challenge when it looks so different from the original piece that it doesn't even look like it was part of the challenge. But, whatever. It is what it is, and I guess I should stop using this loss as an excuse to only play video games in my free time instead of doing something productive. I am living on borrowed time, after all. Art is my only real motivator anyway. I don't have anything else to live for, as dramatic as that sounds.

After I paint or draw something, I'm also going to try and finish this chapter I've been writing. I've put it off too much to focus on my art. I was unstoppable all of May and June. I couldn't stop drawing despite not sharing most of it online or anything, which is probably for the best since it can be quite cringe. I should probably delete the stuff I shared so far, too. I could always be better.