Dad

Mom called me today to update me on dad's job search and all his stuff thats been stressing him out. I am CONSTANTLY thinking about him and how sad and scared he must be. But today she said he also finally realized his memory has been failing him a lot more than he thought. We knew he was having problems for a long time now but hes always been very strongheaded and I guess this week his bosses and him had a disagreement about something that had happened and he realized he had totally made up his side of the story.

I know he and mom had a hard talk. I know he said he was sorry to her because he doesnt want to put her through what we all know is coming. Me and mom lie to eachother a lot and say it wont be that bad and itll be a long time before it gets there and it'll be ok its just an adjustment. But today she also had to call an insurance company about assisted care insurance. We had to wonder if he could get violent like his dad did, and what that could mean for mom - she'll be older too. Who's going to take care of her?

I know my parents wouldnt ever want to hear me say it, but i would drop whatever i had going on in a heartbeat to be there for them. I know its going to be a tough sacrifice if it comes to that, though. It's gonna time up perfectly that dad starts to crumble just when I'm figuring out my life and starting my career. It's going to be so so hard to give that up, especially to go home and watch him fall apart, and then watch my mom fall apart.

It's so weird. To be at the age where you have to start worrying about your parents and how youre going to support them instead of worrying about them supporting you. I thought i would be a lot older by then.

I just want to slow down