i love life, sometimes.

I love life.

Everything is just so amazing to me. The skies, the peaceful wind, the way the weather changes every day. The way people live, the way that everybody is pretty and unique, the mountains so high and the sun so bright.

I’d love to live in the present. To not worry about the future or try to cling to the past. 

Nostalgia comforts me.

I wish that I could be carefree again, to not worry or cry all night.

Why am I complaining? Because I’m petty and stupid and can’t do things right. And I make myself and my life look bad because I only speak about the worst parts of life.

So if I just took the good parts and spoke about them, I’d be better, wouldn’t I? I’ll give it a try. And I bet that my life is better than I thought. (At least I hope so.)

I love school, where I can practise using my social skills. School, where I can be with people and create memories. School, where I can definitely look forward to for some juicy drama. I never hated school, I just hated things that happened in school.

I overpower my shyness. I signed up for Long Jump on Sports Day in a stadium full of thousands of students and people I know. Every day I always asked myself “Why did I pick to participate?! I could’ve just picked to stay in the audience…”. 

And on the day, where I was worrying, where I was not even wearing trainers or had my shoelaces tied, and where I kept on worrying of becoming red-faced, I did it. I jumped! At least I thought I did — I fell. On my face. In front of EVERYBODY. 

You’d think this event would belong in a blog where I write about bad things, right? No, it belongs here. This was a good thing. Because there, I found out that I don’t get embarrassed in front of many people, and I only worry when I’m face to face with people. I played it off cool and got up instantly. Nobody cared, and even if they did, so what? Great discovery of myself!

This is becoming hard to write. I can’t think of anything else good. Let me think…

I love life outside of school. I can go out (sometimes), and go shopping. I love shopping! Getting things that make me happy. I love going on walks and observing how people are. I love exploring and adventuring whenever itspossible. 

I love to take opportunities (when I’m in the right mood…). I love travelling, going on planes and trains are the best. Other countries are so fun to visit, I get to see different cultures and different lifestyles.

Even though I have so many personalities (which means I have no personality), I’ve created a good reputation of myself. All of the adults think that I’m kind, funny, sensible and calm. All of my classmates think that I’m crazy, stupid, silly, and funny (I hope). All of the teachers think that I’m clever. The rest of my school thinks that I’m well known and jolly. 

My old class thinks thinks of me as their saviour!!! As they should. Because I beat a girl up (she was a cheater, liar, racist, and hit me first) everybody hated. 

I have so many friends in real life!! But they’re all level 3 friendship with me. Only one of them are close to me, but even she has closer friends. I’m not even a first option for anybody. Always a backup. Always there for people who don’t really need me.

i am so unhappy. why should i be unhappy? im being so stupid. people are suffering with worse out there, without anything good in their life. i should be grateful. but its hard, because i still feel depressed. i dont know what’s the problem with me.