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im so jealous of everybody, even my own family.
like, why should I be jealous of my mother being so happy
and why should I be jealous that my dad is so confident?
why should I be jealous of the girls who can talk to boys to freely?
im jealous, and i crave attention so bad
but I just can’t get it.
the only one stopping me is myself, but I don’t know myself.
im happy when someone starts a conversation with me
i secretly beg for anyone to notice me
and then my personality of fake energy comes off as too happy
then people will think im fine and don’t need them.
i love being with people when I feel alone.
but with too many people I feel alone again.
its a continuous cycle of loneliness
how can I fix it?
ive changed myself so much just for the world
and everyone always says
“be yourself” “be confident”
but how do I be myself?
and how can I be confident?
I tried everything everyone said
but nothing worked out.
So I’m still stuck in a circle
All the time
Of loneliness
And jealousy
And embarrassment
And feeling bad for myself.
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Weirdtoshi
You are so reaaalll... I feel the same way when I'm alone, and then I'm with other people—I feel good but when I'm around too many people, my social energy goes down to the damn floor. It sounds bad to say it, but feeling jealous of other people doing better than you is quite NORMAL and shouldn't be considered 'inappropriate.' If you feel like crap and someone seems to be having a spectacular day, it's understandable that you feel even worse for not being able to feel like that person. I know how it is, and it feels like shit, but sometimes I just give up. If all those attempts didn't work, is it really worth fixing? I'm in the same dilemma.
auh noo, i hope you get better. atleast we're not alone in this problem tho !! im sure the future will be easier
by sykeou; ; Report