She died today... I saw her corpse.. I'm grieving immensely

My cat died today...

Bobby, shes a kitten, died earlier today, i saw her body, i thought maybe shes just asleep, i moved her head around and notice shes not responding, theres urine and fecal matter seemingly squished out of her body, there was no blood, and I turned her head to face me, i was supposed to go to the mall earlier, but i ran back home upstairs, i stared shouting curse words, i started saying that i wish someone else just took her place instead, i wish that whoever did this to Bobby would go into a car crash, of course its a natural reaction from me and its not like i mean any of the stuff i had said earlier, but i want to bring it up because i wanted to note out to myself how terrible that sounds, specially coming from me.. but you know whats more terrible? The guy who ran over my cat and left it there..

I only realised how badly cracked her neck was (it wasnt obvious to me at the time).. turned her head 180° to her front to face me.. i kept crying at home, i still went to the mall, and i cried at the mall on the benches there... i was wearing sunglasses, noone probably noticed how bad it has affected me..

I wonder if He just hates me, and continuously ends my pets’ lives around my birthday.. its June 27 rn, my birthday is on July 26- I’m turning 20.. Beadie died somewhere around my birthday too and my asshole of an ex boyfriend cheated and ignored me after wishing me a happy birthday..

I think He just hates me in general..

Update:: I’m okay now.. I think its best if she had died today or soon, she was sick.., i remember cleaning her mucus out of her eyes.. she couldn’t eat, maybe she was weak.. i’m still grieving about it, but im not angry about the people who might’ve done it... i still hope they crash into an accident soon so they know the pain they caused my cat..