jun 26 24

i hate myself in front of everyone. even those who love me, who see nothing wrong. i can never seem to get all the way out of my head, to stop judging myself through their eyes, i cant look at myself. i cant hear myself speak without wanting to fold into myself, i wish i could make myself small enough to finally be bareable.

and one day he comes back, and its all just like before. the vibrations in his voice. his eyes look through mine, they find my soul. they know everything. his words reach out - grasping hands - tearing open my skin, apart my ribcage. laying all of me out on the table, piece by piece.

ive never been loved in such a way, he holds each part of me and i know that he owns it. 

ill never be as grateful to anyone. to be gutted, sprawled out.. vulnerable. in this moment i have never been so alive. dismembered,, known. i think i love myself there, when he speaks to me.