Zoe

Last week, Wednesday 19, a friend of mine became unconscious and had a stroke not long after.

I'm not sure of what I'm going to do anymore, everything feels like a dream, a nightmare, like none of this is actually happening. I'm thinking of changing schools or just running away from home, I don't care about any of the people left here. 

I feel watched.

She's in a coma and I want to stay hopeful, I really do and I sort of am right now because, while everyone talks to me like she is dead, I somehow cling to the infinitesimal chance of her waking up.

Last year I told her I liked her, I don't think I ever truly got over her. She was funny, and smart and like any of the other female friends I've made throughout my life I had to fall for her, like the disgusting little horny teenage larva I am. 

Sometimes I wish I could pluck the manhood out of me like you do a tick from a dogs anal cavity.

She was very obviously out of my league, she was the prettiest person I've ever met afterall and (at the very least) I'm glad I fell for her once I knew her and not because she was really pretty.

The image of her face is burned into my brain now, her eyes covered by cloth, a large tube comes into her mouth and a thousand smaller tubes etched into her, the droning of the machines, the pumping of ventilator.

To date this has been the best friendship I've ever had in my life and yet I regret so much, I was such a dick at times and I still am.