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You know, sometimes you sit and realize that you are you. It's a strange feeling when you always see yourself in your head from a second perspective. It can be hard for me to accept that I am here and now. The fact that I exist at all. It’s even more difficult with other people whom you think of as NPCs. It's like they don't exist until you look at them. It's too hard to accept.
Who am I?
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Esmus
I totally feel like that most of the time, worse, it's that I experience what could be close to what it's known as a derealization episode, especially when I have to look at my hand to see if it's mine, if I'm in my body and whether or not I can control my very own hand. It sounds crazy and paranoid but I learned to get used to it, especially when I started consuming weed which eventually would lead to even worse dissociative episodes while I'm high in which I would question my reality, but I made it! I think the key is just that it doesn't matter, whether you are real or not, whether what you live is real or not, that wouldn't change the fact that you are consciously there, thus living the moment.
I hope that you are okay now, the situation is similar regarding weed. It's like I'm more aware of myself when I'm high than when I'm not.
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