6/20/2024- blog 10 Warm Thunderstorm Today

Morning entry:

The house is empty except for my sister, it's nice and she's respectful when I need quiet time or space.

I should eat breakfast before noon and remember to pack my switch and cables.

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Afternoon entry:

I wanted to keep this blog as nice as possible but the universe is making it VERY difficult to be happy right now because I thought my dad only said that he was "done with me" that one time but I found out its actually all the time and that he only likes my accomplishments and does not seem to want to put in the effort to learn about me as a person and doesn't feel the need to support me financially in any way.

On that note I am hopefully getting a therapist soon :>

But Still! Universe! Pretty please! One win is all I ask! I want someone to help me to learn how to be an adult! My dad does not want to put in the effort and I do not want to live off of google!

(My mother already raised me off of internet articles as is when I was an infant and child.)

I talked to my mother about my worries and she said while my apathy towards my father is selfish that it's normal to be selfish at this age. And that my relationship with him will change. 

Right now I could describe our relationship is 100 congratulations and zero support.

Mom says its funny that I don't have a yelling voice when I'm angry or upset, she says it sounds like I am squeezing it down as much as possible because I don't like yelling. It is the same volume as my talking voice, but more distraught and full of curse words.

When I am upset I make noises like "oouuhhh..."

When my sister is upset she makes noises like "AHHHHHHGGH!!!"

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Evening entry:

I did not do much for my happiness, but I called and finally got a job at my old work, I tried to find other work but the job market has been bad. 

I have been working for the company on and off since highschool and at the time my manager was not very kind and I did not like my job at all. The manager got replaced and he is much nicer than the old one. I will likely only work weekends since that's when it's the busiest. I however refuse to learnt to cashier.

It's not that I don't want to learn, but if you are trained you will get called to do cashier in the middle of tasks and ultimately nothing gets done.

So often I am left picking up everyone's unfinished tasks but it keeps the store stocked and from getting messy. Most importantly, I get left alone and I can listen to music and audiobooks in peace.

I still have one last chapter of Good Omens to listen too, then I will probably move on to Dracula. I want to make money so I can surprise my wife with Gundam kits and other things she likes. And I want us to have fun in our last year of undergraduate college.

She will probably be very busy, so I want to make the times she is able to do things as enjoyable as possible.

I spent the rest of the evening scrolling through my phone and playing games. I think I'll play Skyrim tomorrow

I didn't write much today, but the worries are less than yesterday.