speaking to people

i hate speaking to people about my problemss.. like not like uhhh yoww i stubbed my toe!!! or noooo its raining... i mean like things about my mental health nd shit,,, i dont know how people do it bro cuz ive always kept my problems to myself, never to be spoken about and i never act like theres anything bothering me (atleast i dont think so) so that leads to people thinking im yayyyy happy and js never botherrr but if they do bother i always turn them down by saying im okay anyway. ive learned to just put up with my thoguhts on my own and i get by it alright but sometimes i cant handle it. still i didnt say anything. but im trying to reach out, im trying to find something better to do rather then keeping it to myself, like these blogs. its great because i get to write what everrrrr i want and im not dumping all onto one person for them to have to read it and for them to ignore or make fun of or put up with me while im being a whiny bitch and it actually does make me feel a little better. its just written and put out and who ever reads it may speak to me about it but atleast they did it willingly, people like that are great. when ever i have to speak to people about whats on my mind  i feel like such a burden. like im forcing them to listen to me. i feel like theyd js get sick of me speaking and then ghost me because who wouldnt? who would wanna hear me go on about my problems? but i do wanna atleast try get out of the comfort zone of my own head and try speaking to others, its hard to have just me and my mind to comfort myself because sometimes my thoughts just escalate and make it worse. i dont know why i came to the idea of "dont talk to people about your problems you loser." being the only thing to think of when sad but i got used to it. i think im getting okay anyway but i still feel sad. i still have the same thoughts i did when i was at my lowest. idk, when people always say " you can talk to me" i get the urge to, but i never actually speak to them. ive spoken to a few people before (like 2) and i js told them the scraped surface of my thoughts. nothing like i write on my blogs, my blogs have like 80% of my thoughts dumped and sorted into different topics of my mental stuffff but uh thats a wrap guys dont forget to subscribe to my christian minecraft channel! (joek plssss)