Dysphoria

I've always had thought of changing the feminine parts about myself. I away think about how im trapped in a body that isn't mine and how if I had been born a man I would actually how to be happy. When I was 14 I told my friends how I thought I was trans and they kinda ignore yet seemed accepting. I would flip my long hair into hats, ace bandage my chest flat and would safety pin my home made packer out of socks. I had mandatory therapy so I thought I could tell her about me being trans. She told me that I was most likely in a trauma response trying to change myself too get out of it. And told me my discomfort with my vagina was caused by my dad. I've always have know I liked girls so I came out a lesbain at 16. And I was masc so me doing "boyish" things was see as normal too my family and friends.But when I "thought" I was trans too friends they seemed weirded out cause of the "lengths" I went too. Deep down I've always known I should've been a boy. I didn't care weather I was a small muscler boy or a super tall and skinny one or if I was as hairy as can be or hairless. I was envious of having a penis. I am unable too have sex with others with out being the top and not being touched without sobbing and thinking about my chest and how my dick isn't real. I'm 20 now in a new city and even my new friends asked if I was sure about my gender. I don't have issues with what pronouns people use for me (i do like masculine ones more). I love masculine compliments but also feminine ones. I just want to be a man. Wearing a binder helps me not have much chest dysphoria. But there's not a minute that goes by that I dont wish I had a penis. Even with a packer.

All I hear about is trans men with chest dysphoria. Litterally all I want is to do is be born in a body I was meant too.