do you think i'm someone's favorite person?

I don't think I'm my boyfriends, because if I was he wouldn't act the way he does. thinking about it now- I don't know what I am to anyone in my life? and it hurts. 

I try to connect with people but I feel like I can't... I want to... but I shut down because they don't seem interested in me. like who I am or what I have to say. no one wants me in their life forever. they don't want me to stay and they don't care. I don't feel special to anyone

im the person who walks on the edge of the sidewalk, the floater friend... the girl on the outside of the inner circle- the quiet one who never really fits in but also never sticks too far out. and im reaching out trying to grab something, someone who can feel for me like i feel for them but i never catch anything. 

even with my family i can't its either complaints about my weight, looks, or how i don't have a full time job yet. i dont have friends who invite me places or want to hang out with me and the one friend i had talked shit about me despite defending her constantly and always being there for her- for her to stab me in the back and betray me and become best friends with the girl who almost made me kill myself.

im confused on where im supposed to be- who im supposed to be- do i have a purpose? i dont understand what im doing anymore. 

i want help and i need help but where do i go- where is somewhere where im wanted where is somewhere that i feel safe?