runny brain :(

i feel that if i spoke forever id tell myself a new story about the same event every time. it would morph and warp and become something entirely new. soon id forget my true feelings, because they were never true. they were only what i thought i knew, what i thought i felt. i dont know if i feel anymore. i dont think i ever did. feelings arent based in fact, they cant be proven. theyre imaginary. perception is imaginary.

i have parts of thoughts suspended in my head. they float and spiral and twist and constrict and choke each other out. they dont know who they are, they cant tell themselves apart. they dont know if they really even happened. they cant tell when theyre asleep. sometimes they switch places or merge just for fun, waving back and forth in an ocean of emptiness. i think im losing myself in this liquid brain. slowly dissolving, slowly swaying in its skull. enclosed, unaware.

waiting for it to coagulate has proven futile. i think it may have gotten sick in the womb :(