it's all my fault, isn't it?

okay, but why even try? theres literally no point in trying. what, i make money, move out, cut my family off? then what? i'm supposed to just exist? i'm already existing right now. sure, i'll be rid of the constant degradation, but there's also other ways i can be rid of that.

it's all my fault, isn't it?

with the way they've been treating me, it's all my fault.

"oh, why'd you say that? can't move on from things that happened a long time ago?"

"you know, he DID say he's sorry."

"it's been years. you can't just let your life rot because he was mean to you."

it's my fault. the way you're putting it, it's my fault. you're twisting it to be my fault when it's really his. and when the time comes to do the thing i knew i was going to do all along, i'm sure then it'll be my fault, too. somehow, they'll make it to be my fault.

it's all my fault.

"why did she throw her life away? she had so much ahead of her!" i bet they'll spout some bullshit like that. it's all bullshit what they're saying, after all.

i wonder if they'll say that, in a sort of sob story way. the tragic death of a beloved family member. it's all bullshit. 

when i know deep down, they'll be relieved in some way.

the abusive one. the gaslighter. the religious one. the alcoholic. the runaway. the runt of the litter. this little fucked up family. i can't escape them unless i take things into my own hands. after all, there's only one thing i can control here.

i hope they don't say anything. i hope they don't lie. i hope they don't feed those lies to her. 

all my fault, right?

what a load of bullshit.

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