got me so fucked up

im going through so much i just. cannot explain it to the people in my life. theres no way around it. i cant talk to anyone. and i feel so fucking alone. and ill be with them laughing and talking and suddenly im just. gone. i lose focus and everything feels like its closing in around me. i just wish i could feel like someone will care enough to tell someone. but the only people who i would are the ones im most scared of telling. i want to disappear