୨ৎ . ᰔᩚ

ever since i heard millie singing, it's like a switch turned on inside my mind. i caved in and allowed myself to think hard about the past. one image in particular won't leave my mind... me, her and one teary-eyed friend, huddled together, hanging out and talking about life, the stars. he played a song, too. it's a terribly sweet memory, a small break from all the cruelty around us, another proof that no matter what happens, people find comfort among themselves. i'm sorry i ever forgot you, crystal.

as for other flashbacks... they haven't been as kind. i recalled two of the executions, but it's not quite clear. i don't know how to describe it, i can only remember... two people closer together, then one of them being beheaded. i felt my heart sink and a weird sense of nostalgia overcame me. thinking about them makes me nauseous. my head hurts a lot today

i know flashbacks come in many forms. those were the only few seconds of visual i could get. i remember a few songs, too. they've been playing in my head. it's a little soothing. but mostly, i've just been having awful episodes where i start inexplicably crying so hard i throw up. it worsens my headache.

i thought about drinking coffee to see if the caffeine could help me feel better but. i don't know. the idea of it kinda sickens me. it's weird

also visited my room today... it's. really simplistic. something tells me the other rooms might be near copies of one another. it's a shame, at least destiny was design-oriented enough to give us nice room decor. i've been thinking about my old notebook-diary, where i doodled a lot. there must be paper somewhere around here. if i find it, i'll draw some things that happened so far and hope that if i get out alive, i'll be able to keep it with me

fat chance but oh well