stuff thats happened this morning

well b4 thats lets rewind. 

if you read my previous blogs on my familys hygiene, then lets just say its gotten bad agian. so i mentioned that theres literal human fecaes on the shower walls sometimes and the past 2 days thats been a thing right when i wanna have a shower. i felt so disgusted, and i had to clean it up myself. i was shivering from how disgusted i was. this was two days in a row too. but i tried just getting it over with. i made sure to bring body wash too.

my dad usually gives me my meds at night bc we did have it in a box at some point but then i ran out and they just decided 2 switch 2 giving me a bunch at night every night. ig cuz they dont have enough time. but whatever. anyway theres been times where he forgets, but most of the time he gets up and gives them to me, but 2night was different. he was fast asleep, and thinking about everything that happened made me scared 2 wake him up. so i just decided to rummage around the kitchen for at the very least some sleep meds. but honest to god, i couldnt find anything with my name on it. but i took melitonin, which wasnt enough. i needed to find my catapres, but i couldnt. so i ended up taking my brothers sleep meds for the night. but i needed my anxiety meds, becuase if i dont take them ill have withdrawals. but i just decided 2 ask him in the morning. 

i had a weird dream this morning about everything being taken away, like it did in hells week. which kind of scared me when i woke up. when i got up, it was fuckin 11:30 and that pissed me off too. but whatever

i went to ask my dad for my anxiety meds he got really rude about it for no reason. saying all this shit about how i need to remind them and "cant you see how busy this house is, now you have to have it in noon" just overall blaming and putting all his problems onto me! like he always does. like they both have for the past 4 years. well, when i grow up ill make sure to never do that to anyone i love. 

im gonna go play minecraft now. see ya