Why "No More Heroes 3" is Hot Garbage. (4/4 to be continued)

Ok now let's talk about the actual plot again.  

After killing Mr. Blackhole and Gold Joe, you watch a cutscene of the next galactic ranking, Black Night Direction. And, to be honest, I was pretty excited about this boss fight, his boss design looks pretty interesting and he isn't just geometric shapes like Mr. Blackhole and Gold Joe. BUT THEN HE JUST GETS KILLED OFF BEFORE YOU FIGHT HIM, (you better get used to that because it happens a LOT) the ranking gets disrupted by a ninja? He goes by Native Dancer and keeps calling Travis "Grandpa" and if you put two and two together you know what the twist is. Anyway, you get some new chips for your Death Drive glove so that's cool, I guess.  The next boss fight is a call back to NMH2. Your next target is Vanishing Point, an alien who can steal people's memories. He wants to kill Travis at the "Kimmy Love" concert...why? Don't question it. Anyways, he kills all of Kimmy's backup dancers and then tries to kill Kimmy, but then Kimmy impales him with her beam katana so you can't even fight Vanishing Point. But Kimmy is an interesting character because she was a secret boss fight in No More Heroes 2. Once you complete all of the "Revenge missions" you get to fight a girl named Kimmy Howell who is a major Travis Touchdown fangirl who wants to kill Travis, after defeating her, Travis thinks about killing her but then stops himself as he tells her he'll wait until she grows up so she can become a worthy opponent. Honestly...that's pretty cool that you get to see her again, let's see what she looks like in No More Heroes 3- OH, GOD. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER FACE? JESUS CHRIST. It's not even the switch port, this is just how she looks in the game. She looks like an underdeveloped potato. God, you can tell what models they spent time making. Like I mentioned before the other problem is the art in this game, specifically the models. In NMH2, you can see that they still have the style from NMH1 but just better graphics. Nothing changed at all. But for TSA and NMH3 it kinda lost that style to become more...modern looking? This is probably a weird way to describe it, but it kinda looks like Saints Row 4 characters where they're really bright for some reason and glossy. These are some photos I got to show you the difference between all of the games, and it shows you how the style slowly got lost in time.  In some promotion art for No More Heroes 3, I saw a picture of Travis and it looks like the game was going to take on an "American comic book" artstyle, then went along the anime art style they always had. It would've been pretty cool to see the series take turn with the art direction (like with TSA) but I'm just specifically talking about the art direction not the models (which I'm complaining about) Also, the concept art for Kimmy's design looks pretty good and it was made by no other than Mari fken Shimazaki, the person who did the concept art for Bayonetta and Jeanne's outfits in the Bayonetta trilogy. The concept looks good and it's sad to see it didn't translate well into 3D

Actually no, it's not even the 3D that's the problem, it's just the problem that it was rushed. Anyway, after a rap battle between Kimmy Love and Travis (yes I'm being serious) Travis sadly kills Kimmy, (It's an ongoing trait for Travis, he has major uncomfortableness for killing women) saying he'll never kill another woman again. 

Ok now let me get into a thing I need to get into and that's the Henry Cooldown boss fight. And yes, I know I'm skipping like 5 different bosses, but they're really not that important, and plus you just heard two of them (Velvet Chair Girl and Midori Midorikawa)

Henry looks... different. His Irish accent is also gone which to be fair has a reasonable explanation. The reason why his accent is gone is that they had to change voice actors Henry's OG voice actor got into some crap and they didn't recast him for the role (really weird how NMH3 AND Bayonetta 3 are so similar with controversies lmao) and also his accent changed due to the remembrance of his past.  "Isn't Henry Cooldown Travis' older long lost Irish brother? 2 brothers that get into battles but still have some sort of love for each other as shown in NMH2 when Travis cared for him while he was in an unconscious state, and Henry helped Travis in return by killing off some rankings for him so it can be easier to be #1 so he can get back at the person who killed his friend Bishop, and on top of that, Henry helping Travis during the Jasper Batt Jr. fight?"

Yes but actually no. That isn't our Henry anymore. Now he's a brainwashed deviant to the CIA and it turns out that Travis, Jeanne, and Henry had a different backstory all along. 

This is going to be a lot.

...

Let's start off with Henry. 

Henry remembered his past, of what truly happened on the night with Travis, him, and Jeanne. In an illustrated cutscene, while Jeanne was still a baby, the 3 of them ran away from their home from their serial killer father who was trying to kill them. As the 3 kids are out in the snow trying to find shelter, Henry makes an igloo so his siblings can stay warm. Travis wouldn't stop crying while they were running away which infuriated him. Soon he mentions they stumbled upon a road, and all he remembers is that he heard the sound of locks and mysterious people tying them up. Soon, Henry had his memories overwritten as a child born in the Cooldown family. Travis responds what we're all thinking, "So fucking what? This is something you gotta bring up right here, right now?"

A fight ensues as Travis then wins and slashes Henry's stomach in half, but somehow Henry survives. While crawling towards Travis with just his torso, he screams at him, "DONT CRY TRAVIS, DONT CRY, DON'T YOU FUCKING CRY" as he sees Travis almost breaking down from having to kill another one of his siblings. Travis then freaks out and begrudgingly bashes Henry's head in with his beam katana 15 times.

After having a short talk with Sylvia afterward, you can see ANOTHER Henry standing in a window, looking down at Travis. Turns out the Henry he killed was a clone and not the real Henry.

This would later bite him in the butt as Henry KILLS Travis while he's on the toilet, cutting his head off (which is a niche little reference to TSA) but of course, Travis doesn't die because he's saved by the Death Drive. And that's the last you see of Henry.

MAN. There is a LOT to unpack here. 

Henry's story doesn't make any fken sense. Why did they do this? I'm going to explain how this doesn't make sense in beautiful bullet points

Ahem,

• Henry mentioned that he had forgotten what happened after he was kidnapped by the mysterious people (I guess they all forgot about each other when they were kidnapped as children?) How does he know of Travis in NMH1 but doesn't remember Jeane? 

• Just remember, Henry and Travis, were canonically 39 years old at the time of NMH3 why does it matter now?

• Jeane and Travis both share a father. It is said in NMH1 that Travis' dad left her and her mother (which caused the suicide of her mom) to be with Travis' mother. Jeane's father just left her and her mother, but then took Travis along with him?

• Plus they're all half-siblings GOD THIS DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSEEEEE

• OK wait could it be a possibility that they all share the same father? If that's the case then why would the father be with Travis the whole time and never kill him if he wanted to kill them in the first place?

This 1 cutscene, messed up the entire franchise. It makes no sense, it's not even continuity errors they're just massive plot holes that you can't look over. Why did they add this? I'm not trying to be funny, I'm asking a legitimate question. Why? Is it because for the sake of being crazy? I notice that A LOT in this game. Things just happen because "just cuz" it doesn't feel like there's any rhyme or reason for things to happen in NMH3. Unlike the old games, hell, even TSA had a reason for the silliness or the craziness. NMH3 Henry has no point in NMH3. Why does he want to kill Travis? I was honestly confused and I looked it up, Wikipedia states 

"He becomes obsessed with his past and is hellbent on eliminating the sole remaining connection to it: Travis."

Ok? But why kill Travis? Just because he was part of your past? Jesus Christ.

Before I say anything more, let's just get to the ending of NMH3 before I blow a gasket. Happily, Badgirl and Shinobu are back from recovery, you still can't play as them though. They join you (with Midori Midorikawa and other no so important characters I didn't mention) to defeat FU.
And I'm not gonna lie, FU's boss fight was pretty fun and challenging, there's like 3 phases to the boss fight,
but with the friends that Travis made along the way they defeated FU and forced him back into the baby form like he once was in the intro of the game. FU attempts to flee back onto his ship to go back to his planet saying his iconic baby FU phrase,

"I love you, Damon!" Over and over again. 

Damon responds as his head manifests into an alien, "I loved you, FU. Now fuck off!" FU's ship finally gets blown up by Damon, killing him.
 Turns out that the twist in the game was FU was actually a pawn to Damon, and Damon was behind the alien invasion the whole time. Why? So he can get back at Travis for beating him up in TSA. Yes, this whole thing happened because the guy got jumped by Travis and he didn't win. I'm not even going to question it because I don't want to make this blog longer than it needs to be. Just consume product.

I'm gonna go quickly over what happened. Damon basically turns the tower into a planet and destroys Travis' Mecha, he then gets an arsenal from the game nobody played that was published by Marvelous, "Daemon X Machina". Travis then defeats Damon on land in a tongue-in-cheek Super Smash Bros. Reference. Well, there's an after credits. Remember Travis' kids? Well, Jeane and Hunter come back from the future to tell Travis he's going to die because Henry killed Travis and teamed up with aliens to take over the Earth.

(And no, this isn't the wrong game. The art style changes just for this scene) Oh yeah, also Native Dancer (if you remember him) is named Scott and is Jeanne's kid. The end. That's the end of No More Heroes 3. The finale No More Heroes game.