06.07.24

Things have been different as of late. No more school, that’s for sure. Just this year. I think i’ll try to stop logging into instagram for a couple days; i hate seeing everyone else’s graduation photos, knowing i’m going to be repeating. I really do feel like a loser for that. I don't like thinking about it. It makes me feel doomed.

I’ve been staying at my grandmothers for the past three weeks. It was really nice, and i dreaded going home. But now all i want is to go home. It’s the same thing over and over here, and there’s nothing to eat. I’ve lost 10lbs i think, since i’ve got here. I’m usually 145-140. But now i’m 130. It’s satisfying, and i realize now that it’s pretty easy to eat nothing all day if im not doing anything all day. I sound like a degenerate basement dweller. I feel like a basement dweller. But that makes me feel doom again, so i ignore those feelings. Even if they are truthful.

It’s not like i’ve been doing absolutely nothing these past weeks. We’ve been out shopping and whatnot. My grandmother took me on a trip with her friends out to mountains, and really tested my patience at times. I really hate when old ladies linger around and talk for hours when it’s time to go. Then they see another friend, and it starts all over again. Anyways, other than that, I saw my uncle and semi-new aunt. I think he thinks me anxiety ridden, autistic and anti-social. He’s very nice though, and it makes me want to cry. I really want to have a nice, fun conversation with him; but to no fault of his own, i am an anxiety ridden autistic, and would have nothing good to chat about anyways. Dad’s coming and picking me up in two days. I wish it were one.

I don’t really feel like typing anymore. Logging off.