titled recents 6/4/2024

the urge to write really hits at random moments. watching waves rn. i wonder if this'll actually upset me. hope not. me and k did it. was a fun 8 seconds i think. i don't think i regret it because it didn't feel all that monumental. i wonder how bad itll hurt if this goes bad. i dont wanna think about that though. i said i love you to him. i was choking on the words at first but it wasnt because i didnt think they were true. it just felt like something i could never get back if i said it. he'll have that on me forever. i wonder if me saying it was trust in him or myself. i miss him right now. its enough to want me to go back home. if he's not here, why even am i? i thought itd be better than being at home but being here is making me think about why i ever left. i feel so aimless. but i did go to the gym today. proud of that at least. feel like im wasting summer but it really still barely started. just gotta go through it, i guess. i think im on day 5 or 6 of no prozac. no crazy symptoms yet but ill keep my eye on it. idk. itll work itself out. it always does. love ya