titled k 05/29/2024

introducing my next mistake. he said he wouldn’t leave though, reassured me that it was true. cant help but doubt but what can i do. he said he thinks about me all the time. that got me i can’t lie. that mattered to me more than a confession. that was a confession to me i guess. i hate when i hurt him, and more when he just accepts it. i can’t imagine what he would be like if he hurt me. i don’t know how he could but i fear it nonetheless. for him to be able to hurt me, he would really have to be gone. i cant imagine it but i couldn’t imagine it before. i thought i mattered more than i did. it’s a defensive measure to always assume you matter less than you think you do. im not essential to anyones life as they are to mine.  i wonder if he could feel like my dream. i wonder if he could be my nightmares. i wonder if he could know how to save me from myself. someone who can do that loves me i think. imagine if we actually slept together. what do i want to look back on. did we fuck? did it go well? are you dating? does this end well? should’ve i listened to myself

from the beginning? even if we regret this, at least we know we’ve been through it and survived. and did it again. listen to pttr by dc. you’ll be good.