jazzercise

 since nobody knows i'm here, i can say whatever i want. i was tossing around and thinking about how much i want to sleep, sleep forever. a permanent sleep that isn't death but has some sortuv comatose state. 

 i woke up a little too early today and i'm praying to god i can find what i need to survive in the extreme heat. texas summers are back, baby! and in a whole new way 'cuz your brain has become fried like an egg, and you aren't ready for more brain-to-stove action. i'm almost glad since i rarely leave the house anymore, but i am leaving the house today to see a friend who does sorta just gets it. but he dresses better than me by way of weight and ability to do so. 

 i always think about that when i go out with him, that i could be like that if only i was a different person. i think that then remember you're still the same person inside irregardless of what you look like on the outside. i'm too shallow to care about that profound of a statement or truism. i think i really am so obsessed with the travelling photograph and where i fit inside of that photograph; it has to be appealing or no one will look at it, so i have to manage to survive on the delusion that i look semi-normal or good in order to survive. once i told someone i really didn't believe i had to see the sisteen chapel because after the advent of photography, i've seen it a million times and get the idea. that i'd rather see things that aren't mass produced by merchandise. she disagreed as she has been and something about the tone of her voice upset me so much i almost just agreed and lied. instead, i said i'd like to hear the sisteen chapel as the acoustics must be astounding. 

 i have to think about all my senses before doing anything, and then if/when i'm approached about doing a thing, all those senses are factored in to try and make a decision. if even one of the senses can't handle the thing; i won't go. i can't drive so i wouldn't be able to leave if i'm uncomfortable and become the dead weight of the event. shrugs. anyways i'm still very tired and going to try to get 30mins in or so. bye