Report Blog Entry
π
so sorry if any guys are reading this but im finding itΒ soΒ hard to be friends with guys, and I need to rant before my head explodes.
I've only ever been properly close friends with girls for my whole life, I've had a few casual male friends when I was little and throughout highschool, but a year ago I became decent friends with some guys my age I met on an online game, and we've talked every day since. It was fine at first but I feel like the more they got comfortable with me, the less easy it is for me to stand them...
Β There are a lot of differences I'm noticing between my female and male friendships, and I'm having trouble adjusting myself to them. They joke ALL the time which isn't a problem in itself usually, but they seem to never take anything seriously at all. We rarely talk about anything semi-serious without it turning into a big joke, which kind of annoys me. I tried to talk to them about how I wanted to find a job, since I know they've both had more experience than me, but they just started poking fun at me and making jokes about it never happening. I also try to talk about things I really love, like my interests in bands and music, but they always say mean things about those, too. They do it to each other sometimes too. I thought maybe it's just how these particular guys act, but I talked to my brother about it and he said it's just how most friendships between guys are. I don't get it. I don't really see the point of friendships like that, am I missing something? All my friendships with girls have been fun and jokey, but also comforting too. I can't see these guys ever showing that sort of softness to each other, or me. They never talk about how they feel, or whether they're concerned or anything. Is it a masculinity thing?Β
It's frustrating, I like these guys, and I do enjoy a lot of the time we have together. I just wish I could be the type of friend I am to them that I am to other girls, but I can't. Because they just don't.... do that?? I treat them the same way they treat me, with random jokes and making fun, but it doesn't feel natural to me. I definitely can't ever tell them how I feel, because that would just screw everything up and make it super awkward. And at this point I've been joking along with them for so long I don't know if they'd even take it seriously. I've drifted away from a lot of my other friends recently, I just finished high school last year and everyone has been busy sorting out their lives after school. I realised I sort of formed a dependency on these guys since I talk to them the most often. I don't want to throw away the friendship, but at the same time I don't feel any less lonely than if I hadn't been talking to them at all. I miss being close to my girl friends, and I feel sorry for guys that this is (apparently?) the norm for most of their friendships. Who do you hug when you need it?
Comments
Displaying 6 of 6 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
πΎππππ πΆππππ οΎγ»β¦γ»οΎ
I have guy friends who will listened to me about personal problems, and they can be empathetic, but they would also make fun of me. I just learned that they don't really mean all those jokes. I make fun of them too ngl, but in general you could find better guy friends that don't make fun of you for every little thing.
DARTIZ
I'm really sorry that this is happening, but if you feel uncomfortable, is this friendship worth it? Sometimes we just aren't meant to understand some people and build friendships with them, and that's okay. The most important thing is not to deceive yourself, after all, there are a lot of good guys who are ready to be more attentive to each other, you just haven't found them yet. So don't force yourself to communicate with those who can't take you seriously!
β§*Μ₯Λ ryha11a *Μ₯Λβ§
as a man I feel that so hard because I WANT to have deep meaningful conversations, but most of my friends let it boil down to stupid jokes and annoying vocal stims. I can't remember the last time I had a legit deep conversation with my guy friends it's always something silly we are talking about. I also envy girls friendships because I really don't have any guy friends I can just call randomly and talk to about my day.
I'm really sorry, man. I hope you have at least one person you can go to for comfort, even if it isn't one of your friends. Everyone deserves to have people to share their troubles with. I wish there wasn't stupid pressures on guys to act or feel a certain way, everyone has a right to feel what they feel, and to talk about it if they need to. Best of luck! π
by spottydogs; ; Report
oh of course, I have my girlfriend who luckily I can be absolutely stupid silly with or dead serious deep with. I'm very lucky to have her, I just wish it was more common for guy friends to be that way. hopefully you can find some mature dude friends as well because sometimes we all just need a stimulating conversation and not brain rot
by β§*Μ₯Λ ryha11a *Μ₯Λβ§; ; Report
hxlloketty
I know exactly what you mean omg, I desperately need girl friends because a lot of guys are like this especially so when they're young and immature.
But when they older and more grounded (mid 20s usually lol) they can actually speak to eachother normally often, and even emotionally when needed, but they still always have that jokey disposition together lol
Literally
I'm thinking I'm just going to have to put on my big girl pants and reach out to some of the girls I know. I need the sort of bond only female friendships have LOL. It all just feels so complicated...
by spottydogs; ; Report
Mushroom_Tay
yea this is pretty much it. i mean its either your situation or the male friends crushing on the girl friend. honestly i when i want comfort or anything i go to my girl friends when i want a laugh and stuff i go to my male friends
Yeah!! My relationship with them is definitely sibling-adjacent, I think if either of them had a crush on me I wouldn't know half the information they've generously given me about themselves LMAO. At least I can talk to my actual brothers about stuff though, it's strange to only have the teasing side. I guess I'll reach out to more girls I know so I can build the bonds I desperately need XD Maybe I'll just have to resign to the guys being the comedic relief.
by spottydogs; ; Report
cl0wn
It has definitely been more generally common for guys to form bonds like that. There are other reasons as well but some of it almost certainly does stem from notions of masculinity and societal pressures/expectations related to that. Age may be a factor as well but in my experience many guys will respond in kind to the sort of attention they receive, so maybe if you try being more serious and intimate/caring with them they'll start doing that as well.
Emotional maturity is hard, especially when you're still young and maybe dont quite know your way around your and other peoples emotions so well. The irreverent attitude can be a result of not knowing how to handle serious topics or otherwise being a bit uncomfortable with it. Feeling safe about it helps in letting it show, so if you show that you are a safe person to be vulnerable around that may influence their behavior.
Ugh, societal pressures are such fuckery!! I've tried casually prompting them to talk about stuff they kind of seem to want to talk about, but after a few messages it usually cuts off into a joke, probably to lighten the mood. I just wish they didn't feel like they needed to do that. I'll keep it up, but I do worry about making them uncomfortable. When my brother was younger I feel like he got a little overwhelmed when trying to have deeper conversations, and I can't help but worry about those guys the same way lol. Sister instinct I guess.
by spottydogs; ; Report
The best way to communicate is usually just plain old honesty. Even if they dont respond to it specifically I think if you just told them that you care and want to be able to talk to them about that stuff but dont want to make them uncomfortable then they would appreciate and understand it.
by cl0wn; ; Report
You may also want to just be blunt about what you're asking for. Your blog gives me the impression that you are more hinting and trying to prompt them rather than necessarily asking directly. For example, rather than saying "I kinda want to find a job" and hoping they offer advice you could just ask "hey, do you have any advice on how to start looking for a job". Stereotypes, grain of salt and all that but guys really do often just not quite get hints.
Also, apologies if my assumptions are off.
by cl0wn; ; Report