home

I have sat in this bed warm and open, like arms that won't let go. maybe it only stays because I can't let it go. I hold desperately. 'Please stay' I plead. It did. Through every memory.

 I replay the memories. When I was with you it was always right. Then I left... My goodbye not long enough. Holding the things you gave me; they took them away. 11 other girls and yet I had never felt so alone. I wanted to go home. Yet, the place that had felt safe destroyed by memories because I can't stay anywhere for too long without spoiling it. Like poison it slowly spreads. I'm sorry, but am I? I say I want them to be happy, but I am the reason they're not. They are tired of me, and I keep holding on. I am sorry... no I'm not. I don't want to lose them but the tighter I hold on the farther they get pushed away. They don't need me to add to their list of problems anyway. Just because I can't handle my emotions doesn't mean I can drag them down with me then have the audacity to ask them to stay. I'm not a good person. It's a facade. They say I am, and I love too hard. If that were really true, then I would let them go. I would watch them grow and be happy without a second thought. But I can't let go of that feeling I call home.