its so cold.

i dont know why but im so scared. i think its just because i feel really helpless and fearful of everything. i feel like im going to lose everything somehow, because ive already lost a lot and i dont wanna lose anymore. even though ive gained so much knowledge from my past experience sometimes it doesnt feel worth it when im in so much pain. all i can do is hope that things will change, because ive already given up on the idea this year is going to be good or worth trying hard for. i have no close friends, i dont trust my parents and my school is terrible. not as bad as the one from last year but.... god. 

im in my dads office playroom thing because my mum thinks im going to use my phone if i do school in my room and its so cold in here. i cant even be bothered to do school work. i dont want to try and make friends anymore. im just doing the same thing every week. 

fuck man. its so sad. its actually so sad where my life is right now. and im terrified of the future, but its my only hope. but the numbers everything its so scary. i have to remind myself everyday that every things going to be okay, because i have no one to comfort me. but everything has to be okay at some point right? 

a year ago today was when EVERYTHING started. i realised that i needed to run away from this school, this town, this family, everything. i realised that i was more important than i thought, and i needed to share myself with the world. when i started sitting in the hallways of my school all alone, looking at everyone passing by wondering why they didnt think the same way i did. that was a year ago. and somehow things have gotten even more duller than that. i wanna grab that kid from a year ago and just hug them. i wanna cry. thats all i want to do all the time.