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Hello friends!
It's been an interesting day! This morning I had a dance class with a teacher who I find very intimidating - I've known him for years, and while we get along fantastically outside of the classroom, he's very particular as a director and teacher and I often worry that I won't be performing the way he wants me to.
During today's class, we were performing a combo with a trickily-timed jump in it. I noticed that I executed the move slightly after most of the more proficient members of the class, which threw me off for the rest of the dance, and spent a while beating myself up over it. After class I went to the professor and asked him to go over the timing with me, because I was having such a hard time finding it. He looked at me strangely and said "No, you did it right. (Name) was going early, were you watching her?"
It was a weird moment, going from nervousness at feeling inadequate to realizing that if I had just trusted my own counting and my own abilities instead of watching other dancers, I probably wouldn't have gotten flustered and messed myself up.
I'm a perfectionist, and I'm constantly doubting myself; it's a habit I've had for many years, and in my art it really holds me back. I need to unlearn the concept that my instincts are inferior to anyone else's.
In a similar vein, I hold a lot of doubt in my social interactions. I'm quick to assume that I bother others or that they're annoyed with me without any evidence. And while a certain amount of self-awareness is important, it definitely hurts more than it helps.
Anyway, sorry for getting so deep today, guys! I'm in a really interesting place in my life, so I'm having new revelations every day and I get excited to share them!
Baskets of love,
Rhowyn :)
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Wen Berlin
Sorry if I'm comment spamming, but I can really relate to this. Especially in the area of confidence in something I know I know how to do but doubt always seems to creep in. I guess I'm just trying to say your not alone.
lol, don't worry, I appreciate the spam when I get back! I kinda figured this was something someone out there would relate to - I feel like feelings of isolation and anxiousness are increasingly common these days. Glad it resonated with you - I love reading your feedback!!
by rhowyn :); ; Report
Thanks
💜
by Wen Berlin; ; Report