toxicity (wow soad reference)

god i hate being in love. im so scared, not because i think he doesn't feel the same, i know he does, i just don't want to hurt him. i love so hard its scary, atleast to me is. when going a day without messaging is like the end of the world, like i'll die without getting a simple "hi" from him every 24 hours. 

i'm scared my love is how it used to be perceived, like how it was back then towards the end. being called selfish, self absorbed, annoying.. i don't want to be that way with him. i don't want to force my poison down his throat. i don't want to make him hurt. i'm terrified he'll break if i grasp too hard, that he'll crack when i get too clingy or comfortable. 

he says i'm so nice, that i treated him amazingly, but i just can't manage to believe him. he's too sweet to be with a monster like me

-Love, River<3