Not doing so good.

So a couple weeks ago i posted a blog entry thing being all optimistic like “im getting better” and blah blah. Im not. Ive gotten worse.. I feel sorta numb. I dont really have a personality anymore and idk who i am. I feel so disconnected from myself and i spend hours crying about how ive changed for the worse and how im so ugly now and i hate myself so much and its all gone to shit but…its still me. I feel like im a different person. I forgotten what its like to be me. Theres so much negativity online and i hate everything and i think everything sucks and everyone sucks and the world sucks. I wanna go back. To my old town, my old house, my old room, my old friends, my old self. I will forever miss it. I miss myself. I miss being happy. Im miserable. And ive been trying really hard to get better and fix myself. Im a shell. Im a zombie. I hate it. I want to like myself and be happy but its just so hard when..like…its hard being me because GOD I CANT STAND MYSELF. Every morning i wake up and look in the mirror and i wanna go back to bed so i dont have to look at myself i hate itttt i hate hate hategsmnjgdhewjsfyuewjdgfe hate myself. What the hell went wrong?!?! I used to be beautiful. Depression i guess…losing all your friends and moving 4 times. I feel like i will never be happy again …and i need to fix it. Because i aint goin anywhere. Im not dying young, i dont want to. I wanna enjoy life so bad. I wanna like what i like and like myself, god damn it. I hate it. Im rambling. I cant think straight. I know nothing is going to change. I dont know what to do.