titled summer 5/21/2024

location: conch

heyy! probably shouldnt be writing rn, i have math to do. but its not hard and i know ill get it done. i got my addy today. im not sure if the 15mg isnt enough for me or i didnt give it enough time. but ive done well today so far. first day where i enjoyed living in a while. its not like it really changed me. im not jumping off the walls or anything, i'm just not fatigued for once. i feel unshackled i suppose you could say. fatigues heavy and with brain fog, it just sounds better to be asleep than to even try keeping my head up. and i can connect with the stuff im doing, not just mindlessly scrolling for anything that can keep my attention for more than a second. anyways thats too sad. moving on. got ipad today. i really like it so far but my phone really is distracting. i know when i put it down and actually lock in, ill get my stuff done. so its okay. doubling down on my i'm a boy bs. i don't really get why it matters to me. i just would like it more if he percieved me as a boy. i'm not sure why but it gives me a warm feeling i guess. i like the idea of being his boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time. maybe i should be trying to explain that i like both. its whatever. might see cl this weekend. that sounds fun. i'm sure itll be awkward but we'll warm up, esp with c there. k's still around. i wanna say i don't know what to do with him but i know i dont want him gone. i suppose it doesnt matter why or for how long, live life in the moment ig. tinder jus a pain, don't really care about it. but i feel some type of way about doing anything behind his back. so i should probably figure that out. i wanna watch the phineas and ferb summer special. i should do that. i have to pay attention to my eating. and i want to start waking up earlier. not at any specific time but i think ill be better off if i jus get up the first time i wake up. quick research indicate that i'm right. so ill try to do that tomorrow and eat alot before taking my medication. i think i wouldnt even need it right when i woke up, could jus chill for a while until mom leaves for work. not sure. i'm not sure about alot but i know i know. not sure how summer will go but make sure to let me know, okay?