loneliness and the effects it has on the human heart

i keep coming back to write more and more often. i think it's because i feel lonely. despite trying to keep everyone around, the world around me is sort of changing more and more and people keep disappearing. it's scary.

it's easier to rely on substances now, it sort of seems like a way to numb. i'm working on healthy coping strategies with some help right now, and trying not to hurt myself anymore. i can't tell if it's working from my own perspective. i guess i have to wait and see what others observe and adjust from there.

all the travelling i have been doing hasn't really been helping much either. i get anxiety attacks going to certain places in the city or seeing certain models of cars. that probably sounds so lame coming from me. i should definitely be stronger in that regard.

i'm also working on my self confidence with a therapist now, using EMDR and CBT. these recent events have sort of tanked my image of myself. healing is hard.