do you even love me?

every time i think its going good, i just have to fucking mess it up. i thought we were doing great. and then it started to worsen. she talks to me less, and sometimes only if she needs to keep up her streak. FUCK THE “STREAK.” I AM NOT A FUCKING DAILY REWARD. I AM NOT A FUCKING TOY. if you’re going to talk to me, talk to me because you want to. NOT BECAUSE, YOU FUCKING NEED TOO. fucking hell man i just want to be loved. not to be played with. but im not mad at her. im mad at myself. i let the relationship go to this. i couldve stopped this somehow, and i didnt. 

and i feel like im the only one who cares. im the one who types “i love you” and not “ily”. i try and talk to her. “its okay” this and, “its okay” that. i cant even talk to her without her saying its okay. ITS NOT. its not because i cant hold up a conversation with you.

and the craziest part? im not even mad at her. im mad at myself for letting this happen.