coping?

this is strange. i've never really had a healthy out put for my emotions, but now writing these paragraph after paragraph has become comforting. usually i bottle up, encase my emotions and hide them away from the world. but here, i get to word my thoughts, organize them in a less-chaotic way than the buzzing swarms in my head. 

i mean journals have never worked out for me. i thought my ideas went to fast and my brain just wasn't wired the right way. turns out i just don't like the touch of a pen. the drawling and boring strokes of graphite tire me out. the creation tiring my wrists, eyes, and head. typing is much more relaxing for me i suppose. i can create the words faster, fix my mistakes easily, it doesn't take me as much energy. or maybe i'm just lazy, i have no clue.

but i do get why you've always liked this. it must be nice to be able to put your words in a space where anybody and everybody can see if you so choose when you cant quite voice them yourself. 

- love, river