Day 130 of gatekeeping music

Well, today was fine! I feel good! That's good, I think? I know! I don't know! What Im writing...

• Did I just write the poem of the summer????!
• RATE YOUR MOTH!
• Exam woes!
• Bliss!
• I don't play games...BUT!
• Did I just drop the Recommendation of the summer????!

I got back into poetry! Yayyy! Okay, so, chat, I'll get into the exam session but the mind goes to many places over the course of 3 hours, believe me, like Pi on the ocean, the min drifts. I'm so embarrassed to admit this. Please bare with me here! There's this poet I love, he's a mutual of mine, I'm not sure if he'd call me a friend but I'd call him that, he's the nicest guy but he writes some of the most gut wrenching, beautiful poetry. What I love about his poetry is how casual and crass it can be but also so beautiful. One literally contains the line "what are you jerking off to?" And i promise you, it is one of the most beautiful poems I've ever heard. I can't exactly share any here become I don't have his permission and also it's not anywhere online really. So take my word. Anyway, so this is the longest I've spent on a poem. The idea sparked last week already when i watched a dumb video on yakuza and the person said "the sub of 1000 doms" and that sounded so cool until i realized... what sub and dom referred to... sooooo... maybe not but I still took the idea and I ended up writing something I'm proud of. If you wanna see it, you can't because im secretive about poetry. It was also inspired by this Mars Volta song, the Widow. Wait, this goes back way further than I even realized, I have an unfinished short story about that song, about this guy who sleeps around to distract from the things around him, essentially what the widow is about and I too that and wrote a story about him and then turned it into a poem using the Dom and 1000 subs thing or whatever like he has 1000 girlfriends and he feels alone or something but thentl that evolved into what it is now... a poem about a guy who gets into a doomed relationship and he knows it's doomed but stays there because he likes it. It's simply titled DOOMED. Yes, in all caps because I thought of the game DOOM. Maybe some day I'll share my poetry. If you really wanna see it... ummm... nah, I still don't think I'm ready, sorry. I was gonna say ask but I'm still working on getting comfortable sharing my writing like that. 

I set up an RYM account and I will not drop the link. Ummm, I don't know why I'm so secretive all of a sudden and so picky. Sorry, chat. But if you browse rym and see my username, you'll know it's me. I don't wanna give myself away but you'll know! Anyway, i didn't end up going with the puns from my bulletin because if I wanted to keep it secretive then why would I give myself away like that. I think I just hate sharing music. I share music with a few people of course but not on a large scale like this. Because, I'm a gatekeeper, okay. Leave me alone. I hear a song and I want my friends to hear it but I don't want others to. Listen, we all have things we need to work on, I need to work on gatekeeping. Anyway, I followed some of my friends there, they've all got awesome profiles, mine looks so bland, I need to work on it. If you don't have rym and you use Spacehey, what are you doing? Rym also fills the old web niche except RYM is full of losers. 

I wrote another 3 hour math test today. It was brutal. These 3 hour exams are starting to feel like the surrealist chapters of Life of Pi. Like my mind just wanders. I was thinking of this album I heard, I was thinking of poem ideas, I was thinking of tomorrow's test, I even thought about what I would write for today's blog. The actual test was BAD! it sucked so bad! I wrote terribly. I got to the venue and I was already tired, I wanted to sleep. I stuck it out and I left so much open. I hope I didn't fail but when you leave that much open, one can never know. I remember a guy said outside the venue... "I was surprised at how much time I had left over and then I remembered I skipped like 20 questions" same, random dude...same... ummmm tomorrow is gonna be ass! Im writing English lit which I love and then art directly after. Both 3 hours. I'm writing for 6 hours tomorrow. Fml. Help me make it through the night... why does art have to ruin everything. I mean the subject. Tomorrow would've been so fine but then bam! Art exam! And then I have to hand in my journal exactly a week from now... you gotta be kidding.

Other than that, I was happy today! My short lived, miserable, hangover arc is over. I'm back to giving infinite wealth to my loved ones! I don't know why I'm so happy, I should be upset but who am i to complain. Whenever I get so happy, I also get corny which means I hop into one of the discord servers I'm in and start saying "I love you guys" "you guys are the best" because I love everybody! Maybe i shouldn't say this but I hate the second Mitski album, it's like the one album of hers I hate but there's that song I forget what it's called but my sister loves it and it has that line "I love everybody because I love you" that line is literally just how i feel. I think I'm just in love with life and like single mothers and Kim Wexler and hot college men and JPEGMAFIA and- anyway, I guess it's the starlust talking perhaps. I don't know. I just love existing and I want to live as much life as I can. 

This is my favorite section personally. All the sections are random except the last two, which are always a recommendation and then this which is Moth finds something on the internet and rambles about random thoughts. Today, I saw a video on backlogs and why they're not needed by Transparency. By the way, Transparency makes the best videos on YouTube. Anyway, I realize that why I don't really play video games too much is because I overthink. I spend more time organizing my backlog than I do playing games. I actually wanna play more games. Maybe I could and i will! They reach the point that instead of making a big list which you remove from every time you finish a game, you should make a small list and add to it everytime. Like make a list of the games you play. Instead of games you want to play. I made this switch with music. Last year I heard 89 albums in total and this year I listened to 308 and that's only these last five months. It's fun to add what you complete into a fun list, that's more addictive than a backlog. 

Recommendation of the day! I'm in my healing arc so I'm gonna recommend an album, it has to be cool so that you guys can think I listen to underrated music...ummmmm... it's not underground but it does reflect how I feel today, which is kinda calm and peaceful. Actually I'll recommend three! Because it's summer in the north and it's winter here, I won't get as much enjoyment out of these during winter so I'll pass it on to everyone experiencing summer...

• Fishmans - Long Season
• Harumi Hosono - Pacific
• Masayoshi Tanaka - SEYCHELLES 

And for those in the south I'll drop three more... I'm so generous, everyone should give me a million bucks.

• Father2006 - Reflection
• Bjork - Vespertine
• Aphex Twin - (any of his albums) 

Just listen, okay! Im already being too generous! Good night and thanks for reading and stop begging at my doorstep. I know I have the best music taste but i need to eat too!